Little Miss Homo Sapien's Cave

And Now For More Existential Brainfart

It always happens. Just when you thought shit is over finally suddenly as if on cue it comes right back at you  to make everything stink all over again. You just came out of it barely breathing, and now another pile is rising to high heavens. Vicious cycle, yes. You do not recall anything horrible you might have done a nanosecond ago to incur such a quick statement of accountability, yet it just keeps on gatecrashing at the threshold of your rationality.

Karmic debt to the nth power: perhaps you made Beezlebub look like a Sunday school teacher with how you lived your past life/lives that your fate now in this lifetime had simply been sworn to imprecation. Uh-huh, you’re screwed. The hex had been cast upon you! How else could you explain such a fucked-up life?

It was an afternoon delight in a breathtaking deserted beach. There you were on a hammock that’s suspended to two limping coconut trees, being lulled by the summer breeze that seemed to be humming from the alchemized waters next to you. Cooling down on some tropical shake, feeling sensuous in your skin… Whereupon a stray bullet came speeding straight to your forehead.

No, this is not what life is. This is not how the cookie crumbles . Don’t tell me this where I have basically led my life to. That God is omniscient, that He has already planned my future, because it would freak the bejesus out of me (pun intended) to learn that my brain has been useless and freewill meaningless all along. I’m not a loyal sinner, and even if I were it’s not like I dig pedophilia and incest. What do you mean I would just have to play along with whatever that’s thrown my way, for things are deadset already anyway, and that I can’t  do anything about it anymore? All I want is a peace-loving ghetto and to be in commune with my element, is this really too much to be manipulated?

Most of us truly believe that our life stories here on earth had been written way back some million years ago by The Great Storyteller, and that the mission of the humankind is to merely “live out the characters individually appointed to us.”  We hold it it in our dearest belief that if  “if it’s someone’s time already”, if it’s finally that chapter in a person’s life story to shuffle off the mortal coil, that’s it, no more rewriting of the Book of Life. No more questioning (“why me???) and  other related histrionics on the part of the person going to be “killed off”, afterall she’s “well aware” anyway that her life is only based on a Bright Idea that is too recondite for human comprehension.

Many of us resign ourselves too to the scapegoat utopia that each and every one of us has a “soul mate”, and that “only God can make it possible for us to meet them… at the right place, at the right time.”  Barf. According to the hype, all we have to do is to ask for His “signs” if the person we lust after (oops, I mean we love) is The One already. Like, God if today in church a street urchin hands me a white rose–yep a white rose and not a bolo–then that’s it! I knew it! Taylor Lautner and I are indeed meant for each other! Not even Neil Gaiman can now hijack the abs of Taylor and my Destiny together… However, if the  street urchin hands me a bolo instead, it’s amazing how I won’t hold grudges against God despite of the faith and prayers that I poured all over the concept of soul mates. How I’ll be understanding it instead is that it’s  not meant to be, Lautner and I”, and not because perhaps I just really have this loose screw in my head to be crediting to God everything  that’s happening to me.

When shit hits the fan, we flagellate ourselves. But when all’s dandy and fabulous, we sacrifice live chickens.

Okay, again: I’m not a Lillith redivivus. I am not in the opinion that we blame God for our misery and failures, including our sorry inability to attract objects of affection. My point only being is, just why do we allow ourselves to fall for the bait that God can only have “better plans” for us after every adversity? What the hell is that all about? Is that our way again of brainwashing ourselves that life here on earth can’t be that bad? Oh, 6 million Jews were systematically murdered in the Holocaust, so does that mean in exchange of them getting so, God had rewarded them with first-class suites in heaven afterwards?

When you say that God is the accountable force behind the goings-on in the lives of the people, then you might as well say that God is just defeating His purpose of having created humankind. Because such statement waxes of the fancy that there is no such thing as the freedom for a person to decide for himself. God already gave him the power  of intellect to survive, and it’s just a matter of tapping that intellect in order not to be out-witted and waysided by the strong current of other people’s deceisions–most of them an abuse of their own freedom.  And so since  it appears that a lot of other people haven’t figured that one out and continue relying on Divine intervention, then it’s the responsibility of the Enlightened to open the eyes of those people to the Absolute Truth that the true God is in fact the Good in them and their potential not to be evil.

From there a wonderful domino effect would have taken place; unfortunately various personalities and congregations throughout history have looted the masses’ judgment.

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4 responses

  1. liza lado

    michelle ang galing mo hindi ko kaya. kelangan ko ng maraming oras para maintindihan ko. heehee

    02/12/2010 at 01:19

  2. NV

    You know there is a concept of Dharma and Karma, which is a lot more complicated than what most of us know. Maybe that is something which will help answer your questions 🙂
    For most part I agree with you. Your writing is honest and approachable. 🙂

    06/12/2010 at 14:31

    • Thank you for the comment. I respect everybody’s opinion, but as for now I would rather look for the answers myself and be put in my place by them than accept the popular indoctrinations and template answers.

      06/12/2010 at 14:44

  3. Most of the blogs online are pretty much the same but i think you have a unique blog. Cheers !

    04/01/2011 at 22:58

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