Beliefs
What is the truth?
Is it what I believe in,
or is it what you believe in?
Does it have to be revealed,
or perhaps we’re better off
as inhumane beings?
Out of fear, my faith is
unwavering, for if not
I’d be greatly hunted a witch.
Why is Christ weeping,
and Buddha laughing?
I am finally here, but
God is still missing.
This is a dream
I’d only sleep from
a concrete illusion
that I’m in control
They say I’m only a burden,
so fit I have to be if I wish
to survive the prejudiced time and tide.
The fetus inside the womb, aborted
because “That’s Life”
I myself had a purpose:
I was supposed to turn left, but
freewill led me to the right path.
Have to be practical
For I am in the Now
Even if I just want to
streak into the wild
I’d be brought back subsequently
for the formal funeral.
Faith is to believe in heaven, and
reason is to believe in
hell being a prey of circumstance;
I owe the powers of my brain
to the Creator, so I must be
ditching logic when I
surrender to destiny, and
at the same time pray every night
for divine intervention.
The truth is out there,
the truth shall set us free
But really, am I only romanticizing
that I have a soul, denying
that this soul is in fact just
the information-processing activity of my mind?
This is it, seize it
Embody the free spirit of
ignorant bliss
You’ll get further “high-souled”
only because you’re educated.
Artcissism.
Universal Goal my ass
for only you will advance
thanks to you rich dad
I am not afraid of death,
much less of dying
I am just not ready yet
til I know where I’m going
Most probably nowhere, and
I will just really be reduced to
being a smorgasbord for maggots
or adulteration
in some great waters.
A nail in the coffin,
if I get killed an aetheist
The rest is history, though
they were never really part of it
The truth is what
you are plundered of,
still you dare not seek justice
for what you are Told.
On the glass, looking
Out the window,
by the rope,
hanging
And Now For More Existential Brainfart
It always happens. Just when you thought shit is over finally suddenly as if on cue it comes right back at you to make everything stink all over again. You just came out of it barely breathing, and now another pile is rising to high heavens. Vicious cycle, yes. You do not recall anything horrible you might have done a nanosecond ago to incur such a quick statement of accountability, yet it just keeps on gatecrashing at the threshold of your rationality.
Karmic debt to the nth power: perhaps you made Beezlebub look like a Sunday school teacher with how you lived your past life/lives that your fate now in this lifetime had simply been sworn to imprecation. Uh-huh, you’re screwed. The hex had been cast upon you! How else could you explain such a fucked-up life?
It was an afternoon delight in a breathtaking deserted beach. There you were on a hammock that’s suspended to two limping coconut trees, being lulled by the summer breeze that seemed to be humming from the alchemized waters next to you. Cooling down on some tropical shake, feeling sensuous in your skin… Whereupon a stray bullet came speeding straight to your forehead.
No, this is not what life is. This is not how the cookie crumbles . Don’t tell me this where I have basically led my life to. That God is omniscient, that He has already planned my future, because it would freak the bejesus out of me (pun intended) to learn that my brain has been useless and freewill meaningless all along. I’m not a loyal sinner, and even if I were it’s not like I dig pedophilia and incest. What do you mean I would just have to play along with whatever that’s thrown my way, for things are deadset already anyway, and that I can’t do anything about it anymore? All I want is a peace-loving ghetto and to be in commune with my element, is this really too much to be manipulated?
Most of us truly believe that our life stories here on earth had been written way back some million years ago by The Great Storyteller, and that the mission of the humankind is to merely “live out the characters individually appointed to us.” We hold it it in our dearest belief that if “if it’s someone’s time already”, if it’s finally that chapter in a person’s life story to shuffle off the mortal coil, that’s it, no more rewriting of the Book of Life. No more questioning (“why me???“) and other related histrionics on the part of the person going to be “killed off”, afterall she’s “well aware” anyway that her life is only based on a Bright Idea that is too recondite for human comprehension.
Many of us resign ourselves too to the scapegoat utopia that each and every one of us has a “soul mate”, and that “only God can make it possible for us to meet them… at the right place, at the right time.” Barf. According to the hype, all we have to do is to ask for His “signs” if the person we lust after (oops, I mean we love) is The One already. Like, God if today in church a street urchin hands me a white rose–yep a white rose and not a bolo–then that’s it! I knew it! Taylor Lautner and I are indeed meant for each other! Not even Neil Gaiman can now hijack the abs of Taylor and my Destiny together… However, if the street urchin hands me a bolo instead, it’s amazing how I won’t hold grudges against God despite of the faith and prayers that I poured all over the concept of soul mates. How I’ll be understanding it instead is that “it’s not meant to be, Lautner and I”, and not because perhaps I just really have this loose screw in my head to be crediting to God everything that’s happening to me.
When shit hits the fan, we flagellate ourselves. But when all’s dandy and fabulous, we sacrifice live chickens.
Okay, again: I’m not a Lillith redivivus. I am not in the opinion that we blame God for our misery and failures, including our sorry inability to attract objects of affection. My point only being is, just why do we allow ourselves to fall for the bait that God can only have “better plans” for us after every adversity? What the hell is that all about? Is that our way again of brainwashing ourselves that life here on earth can’t be that bad? Oh, 6 million Jews were systematically murdered in the Holocaust, so does that mean in exchange of them getting so, God had rewarded them with first-class suites in heaven afterwards?
When you say that God is the accountable force behind the goings-on in the lives of the people, then you might as well say that God is just defeating His purpose of having created humankind. Because such statement waxes of the fancy that there is no such thing as the freedom for a person to decide for himself. God already gave him the power of intellect to survive, and it’s just a matter of tapping that intellect in order not to be out-witted and waysided by the strong current of other people’s deceisions–most of them an abuse of their own freedom. And so since it appears that a lot of other people haven’t figured that one out and continue relying on Divine intervention, then it’s the responsibility of the Enlightened to open the eyes of those people to the Absolute Truth that the true God is in fact the Good in them and their potential not to be evil.
From there a wonderful domino effect would have taken place; unfortunately various personalities and congregations throughout history have looted the masses’ judgment.
The Sound Of Muse Who’s Sick
I’m finding it hard to believe in anything these days. Especially those that require my loyalty and full trust, because to begin with if I know for myself that they deserve my loyalty and full trust by virtue of the vibes they generate in first meeting then I wouldn’t be having second thoughts.
Okay, fine. I’m just really a paranoid android.
It’s just that I’ve been betrayed by many of the things I’ve given my trust to. Institutions, most of them. While others choose to just move on and completely dissociate themselves from their traitors, I on the other hand get hung-up. It’s difficult for me forgive and forget. Particularly forget. Now I’ve become this strain where I can’t help but raise my browses when declarations and promises of epic proportions are made.
Not exactly the most convenient trait for a person who’s overly sensitive and emotional. There you go.
Common sense tells me that the wrong of one is not the wrong of all. To hold my horses, that there’s no point in wallowing in negative energy (o yea). To not fret for I have a couple more seconds to live, thank you very much. To give things the benefit of the doubt and try to look at them with a worldview. Perhaps I’d even discover that I’m worth the betrayal. And so the devil’s advocate is sitting on my shoulder, forever arguing that nothing is impossible, and that it may very well be that God is coordinating with Satan now regarding my afterlife for, among other things, questioning His sexuality as a pastime and having no qualms about getting excommunicated.
But I don’t have a problem with God. I actually do believe in a Higher Being. It cannot be that there’s no God. What just really makes me want to shave my head off in a room of long-haired cardboards are those who preach that you’ll roast in hell if you don’t buy their shampoo, God, according to them, being the Ultimate Cocomilk.
How dare do I think for myself, huh?
When we were innocent and impressionable kids, we were told of different kinds of myths and legends and the genesis of things created. We were story-told of how there came to be a snake, why certain fruits and plants taste and appear the way they are and why humans have differing skin colors–which got to be my favorite. And how could we forget the superstitions our adults threatened us with? Do not sleep with your hair wet–you’ll get blind. Do not cut your nails on an evening–bad luck will follow you always. Do not cross your eyes before great wind–you’ll get permanently cross-eyed. When you and your sister grow up and get married to your respective groom, do not do it within the same year or else–wait a second, how does that one go again?
Basically, JUST DO NOT.
Those stories and caveats were obviously a result of a period that lived in in great dread and terror. So what its people did to stunt that gnawing fear was to create credence out of what they deemed would favor to their collective sanity. Look around and you’ll see the proof of that everywhere: religions, cults, dogmas, doctrines. Twisted beliefs made of monoliths that no heft and size of open-mindedness can break down to pieces. Because we’ve been brainwashed. I wonder, now that we’re pretty old ourselves and have discovered that we were incredibly bamboozled as kids by the adults, what more could they be hiding from us, cheating us of? If as simple as where the Female came from could not be told to us without reeking of sexism, I wonder if they still lie to us now, like whenever they deny and cover up for their peeps’ sexual transgressions against young boys.
Revelations of historical fraud have been spilling for the longest time now. They came with women, which they Greatly Hunted. They came with scriptures, whose pages they both edited and completely tore out. They come with books, which they burn. They come with rationality, which they bully. Yes, time and again these frauds would be quickly defended by the modern Crusaders, I mean God’s Chosen Ones, by calling those who cry deception as, altogether now, heretics! Paranoid androids whose jobs are demolition! I don’t feel the need to explain myself to a bunch of old farts who don’t bother to listen to start with; all I want is for them not to run my life and those of other people. Let God Himself send me to hell and I’d be privileged. Just don’t play God. Don’t make life on earth a hell for me by controlling my life choices.
Reason Of Treason
Several theories have been proposed as to how the universe really came into being. The most popular of them all, although not necessarily the most accepted, is the Big Bang Theory, which offers that “the expansion of the universe began with a massive explosion that took place between 12 to 20 billion years ago.”
However, just like any other theory in light of the cosmos’ dizzying inception, The Big Bang will just have to remain as nothing more than to what it has always been–unless God shows up to me right about now and asks me out for coffee. A “theory”, the brainchild of astronomer Edwin Hubble who, despite his hypnotic claims to scientific calculations, was still not “exactly” right smack at the heart of the Big Bang ground Zero, a basis for Hubble’s theory that would have made me blush.
WHAT?! Edwin was there d-during..?!
In fact, I have this lovely unsettling feeling that the following theory of mine is far more credible than any of the cosmic theory there is: That those cosmic theories, headlined by the Big Bang, are mere press releases in an attempt to suppress the Real Story and derail the True State of what Humanity should have been in this fantastic planet of ours.
This may sounds like a whacked-out digression, but this the thing. In a world where finding life purpose has become a hip pop culture pursuit similar to how the modern humanoids want to capture the spirit of the pilgrims and nomads of the genuine past who made their respective ways to somewhere and nowhere, discovering instead that the Male and the Female were meant to rule this earth in equal footing is indeed an insult to prized intelligence.
“Hearken my heretic child, what doth thou maliciously betoken yet again?”
Societies recognize their imperious influence over the lost souls that we are that when they claim that the universe started with this one huge metaphysical ejaculation, that the national governments only exist for peace, security and democracy for their people (as long as they are the leaders and us their followers, of course), and that the religious maestros are all dudes (God, Jesus Christ, Buddha, Allah, Mohammed, Jim Morrison) and that the chicks are mere cocksuckers (Mary Magdalene is the essential ho and Eve the culprit behind the “fall” of humankind) and that “Yin” means the positive, masculine force and “Yang” the negative, feminine force–basically that women are the source of all evil (really, Satan isn’t female?), they know “we have no choice anyway” but to just sigh to resignation and believe whatever they speak in tongue because the fucking truth is, WE PEOPLE DO NOT KNOW ANYTHING, hence our visceral need for all the blabber we could cling to. What little knowledge we have is what we are merely made to believe by those who have great fear of the Unknown.
This is much better, we tell ourselves, than to swallow the dismembering reality that there is neither a purpose nor redemption at the end of this seemingly random and meaningless life of ours.
In Other Words 